How to say "I won't" nicely
by Jo Sparkes
How do you say, "I won't" nicely?
First, be sure of your answer. Then step into your heart, and say it.
When you come from your heart, the answer is honest. They may not like the answer, but they have to respect it.
We can all recall a time when we asked someone for something, maybe help with a project or a ride when our car is in the shop. And we got a 'yes' answer, but knew the other person really did not want to do it. You may have even added, “only if you have the time,” or “I can find someone else.” And you were brushed off with a “oh, it's okay” sort of statement even though it obviously really wasn't. The other person begrudged it, and you felt that 'put upon' feeling the whole time.
Wouldn't you have rather had honesty? Honesty really is a gift.
So when you're asked, take a moment to ponder. Do you really want to do this? Is this a close friend who's helped you many times, and here's a chance to return the favor? Is this someone who is constantly needing a ride, or always wants a shoulder to cry on?
Do you feel good about it or not?
And if not, why not? Are you running ragged at the moment between kids, husband, and work? Maybe this is someone who wants more than he/she is saying. Someone who wants to go to lunch so she can complain about her boyfriend? Is this a male friend who constantly pushes to change the relationship? Or perhaps your mother wants to needle you into another blind date?
Guilt is very common when we don't want to do something. We tell ourselves that poor Mary is having a rough time with her boyfriend, the least we can do is listen. But if Mary has been having the same problem for six months, with a cheating boyfriend that she won't leave, you're not helping her by allowing yourself to be dragged through it over and over. She may choose to cling to the situation – but you don't have to.
What answer do you truly wish to give? Find that 'mindset', that place in your heart. Not anger at the other person, but that good feeling for allowing yourself to do as YOU choose.And feeling good, smile and simply be honest. “No, thanks, Mary. I'm just not in the mood for a lunch today.”
“Thanks for the thought, Bob, but you know, we always seem stuck on the one topic. Let's give it a rest.”
“Mom, I love you. But I have nothing in common with your friends' offspring.”
I have found over the years that what is the best thing for one is actually the best thing for all. Honesty is a gift of respect, and it serves both the giver and the receiver.
Answer from you heart. Smile at them, let them know you still care. But let them also know your answer, and you both can move on.
Jo Sparks will be giving away a $50 Amazon Gift Card to one randomly drawn commenter during the tour. Comment here to take part? Can you say I won't nicely?
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"Feedback … a kinder word for criticism, is an organic component to life.
When a toddler learns to walk, he falls. He screams, cries – and persists. What would happen to the human race if he gave up after a few bumps?
Before we could read self-help books, before we could understand a language and sit in a classroom, we learned by trial and error. “Feedback” is the natural teaching process. It’s how the creator set it up. It’s how the world actually works.
Here, at last, is a simple process for getting the most from all the feedback the world offers us."
