REVIEW - HOW TO MARRY A FINNISH GIRL

"All the secrets about Finland and the Finns are finally revealed in HOW TO MARRY A FINNISH GIRL: Everything You Wanted to Know about Finland that Finns Won’t Tell You. Simply buying this book guarantees that you will: Make Out with Your First Finnish Girl in 24 Hours (or less!) ...and more!"

Author: Phil Schwarzmann
Pages: 164 pages
Publisher: Gummerus
Published: September, 2011
Form: Hardback
Genre: Lad-Lit / Culture Clichés / Comedy
Akateeminen Kirjakauppa: Buy / €7.90
Suomalainen Kirjakauppa: Buy / €24.95
Amazon: Buy / 2.99 (Print) ( EU price, click to see yours )

Right after "The 30-Day Guarantee" comes a small chapter "Don't let Finns read this book!" and I can see why, some might, and have, hated this book - though those people seems to lack a sense of humor, as I found this Hilarious! Seriously if you can't laugh at yourself and the idiosyncrasies of your countrymen then you are in deep shit.

Talking about absolutely everything that is a cliché in Finland, this book is something that even I cringe at at times ( probably as somethings hit close to home ;) ).

"How do you tell if a Finn is an extrovert? He looks at your shoes, not his own!"

Ummm, guilty. So there's truths there too, but the way they're told is so funny you end up being proud to be a Finn after reading the book, of course I can be bit bias as I got an American to follow me to Finland. ;)

"Congratulations. You met a cute Finnish girl on the internet. She's convinced you that Finland is heaven on earth and you should move there. Since you're not doing much with your life at the moment, and your not going to get a girl of this caliber in your hometown, you figure "screw it", why not migrate?"

And it strokes the ego a little, when Schwarzmann says the girls in Finland are beautiful and worth coming to Finland for, to endure the horrid weather, silent treatment, tiny apartments ( in the beginning called "love nests" ), endless nights during winter and the current borderline racist government party ( True Finns ).

Yes, Finland is cold and the winters are long, but he also gives great examples on what’s great about Finland, like every year you get mandatory 5 weeks of holiday, of which most people Have-To take 4 in July and one in the middle of winter.

Of course there is the learning of the most difficult language in world, Finnish... ( my husband has been here close to 7 years now and well-- it still doesn't look good ) but Schwarzmann gives few good tips about that also!

"Taking Classes: ...But if you single, you're in luck as ALL Finnish teachers are female - desparate, broke, females who LOVE foreign men. Why else would they teach Finnish to foreigners? They get men right off the boat, they are like chefs going to the market at 5AM for the freshest fish."

"Hire a Tutor: Your chances of sleeping with her are almost guaranteed. Unfortunately, they're rarely that cute."

So, why does Schwarzmann ( I got to stop using his last name now, I keep friggin' misspelling it like there is no tomorrow! It's Phil from now on... ) figure foreign men want to get Finnish girls?
Well apparently we're smart, beautiful and easy, umm... Most women in Finland are 8's, Finland has less amount of 10's than Sweden, but Sweden has less 8's... got it? I know, it gets bit confusing, I believe there is like math involved. Finnish women are easy to live with as we don't come with the daddy-clinging that Swedish women come with and Finnish women are independent even when it comes to paying for the check on a date.

"Finnish guys split the check, even on the first date! In any other culture, that's like saying to your date, "Well I guess I'm not getting lucky tonight. Bye!" But in Finland this is perfectly normal. ... She'll try and pay for her half, but resist the urge. Let her pick up the tab after she's slept with you."

Wait a minute! How come this sounds familiar??? Actually every tip this book gives about dating a Finnish girl is what my husband used. ;) Finnish guys just weren't as attentive of women, and open and flirty as my American was, how can you not love that?

I could go on and on how great this books is, and erm, how accurate in that cliché kinda way, but I suppose I'll just have to stop and let you go get your copy - and do get one even if you are a Finn, I haven't laughed throughout a book in ages! Last book that I read that was almost as funny as this was Brett Sills' novel "My Sweet Saga" where an American travels to Sweden pretending to be an astronaut.

If you have anything at all to do with Finland: in-laws, Nokia connections, considering following your sweetheart to Finland, moving back to Finland from wherever your parent's moved to, or if you came to spend a summer here once - this book is for You. Or for someone like me, a Finn way too curious about what others think of Finland...

Okay last quote, here are some pick-up lines to use on Finnish girls to get them to burst out laughing:

"Put your tongue on my flagpole and see if it sticks."

"No, that's not a Nokia Communicator in my pocket."

A great tongue-in-cheek look at how a foreigner can survive in Finland and not stick out like sore thumb, with great practical tips: like how much to drink on the public holidays, how to catch a finnish girl, how to dress and speak finnish, how to not get trapped in Finland and where to live ( I live in the finnish "ghetto", that eguals like the nicest part of Detroit ) and the crude, smooth talking accent of a stand-up comedian, spiced with the author's tweets about Finland! Like...

@philschwarzmann - Can't wait to read some Wikileaks cables between Finland and the United States. "TOP SECRET: It's friggin' cold here, send us home. -Bruce"

 Right, stopping now - go get this book.

Rating :

Wondering why only 4.5 stars? Well it loses ½ star for being to glorifying of the Swedes. :) No, I didn't just prove any author right...

P.S: I had the pleasure to be in the audience for the interview with Phil and Roman Schatz as they talked about Finnish Women, yesterday at the Helsinki Book Fair ( that was one hours of constant giggles, hence why I bought the book ). Got to meet him shortly afterwards as Phil's a friend of my husband's, and they both are American who moved to Finland due to a girl. Also he got married to his girlfriend last night! Congrast!

Here are some photos:

 

P.P.S: It does not snow in Finland on October... except on freak insidents. :)

INTERVIEW - BRETT SILLS ON MY SWEET SAGA

Welcome to Brett Sills the author of  My Sweet Saga to For The Love of Reading!

Here's little on My Sweet Saga to get you warmed up for the Interview!

"At nearly 30 years old, Brandon is barely able to make it through life, much less enjoy it. He is weeks away from what should be one of the happiest days of his life, his wedding day to his fiancée, Clarissa, but his attention is distracted when his estranged, erratic and oddly eccentric father suddenly reappears with a bizarre demand: to accompany him to Stockholm, Sweden, where they will meet a man who he claims will change their lives. Desperate for even a brief escape from his reality, Brandon reluctantly goes with his father, ready for a disaster. But his life changes completely the moment his eyes meet the mysterious Swedish man's daughter, Saga. On a cobblestone street in the middle of Stockholm, Brandon reawakens to life, though struggles to navigate the messy love triangle with Saga and his fiancée, which includes multiple arrests, hospital stays, terrorist bombs, acts of heroism and foolishness, family secrets and even a bit of public nudity." ~Goodreads

Niina : Welcome to For The Love of Reading! I'm glad you could make it. I finished My Sweet Saga earlier this week and loved it, can you tell my readers here little about yourself and give a little info on what My Sweet Saga is?

Brett Sills :  I'm a born and raised New Yorker, who now resides in Los Angeles, that spends his days trying not to get nauseous from all the ups and downs of his writing career.  I'm a pretty laid back guy who generally fails in his many attempts to try to keep things simple, but I have definitely learned to love the hustle of the everyday!

My Sweet Saga is probably the most important thing in the world to me.  It's my love letter to Sweden, to one of the best weeks of my life, to mystery, and to possibility. You just have to get past the crude jokes and swear words to see it.  

Statue in Stockholm (yours truly)

Niina : What did you most enjoy about writing My Sweet Saga? What chapter or scene?

Brett :  The thing I enjoyed most was the opportunity to visit Stockholm again, even if only through my imagination and memory.  I know that sounds a little demented, but I was going through a tough period in my life and used the book as a crutch and a way to slip into a fantasy that I preferred to my own reality.  Without giving anything away, I think the last scene was one of the most enjoyable to write because it gave me a sense, personally, that a chapter of my life was closing, but an exciting one was also beginning.

Niina : On Facebook you describe your book as Lad-Lit... Haha! what is Lad-Lit?

Brett : Haha, you know, I hadn't heard the term either until after I wrote the book.  A publisher tagged it as that while explaining why they wouldn't be able to sell it.  Apparently lad-lit is like chick-lit for guys, and generally features a first person, slightly selfish, omega-male narrator. Who knew it had an entire sub-genre!

Niina : Hah, hadn't heard of that either! Now my readers are mainly paranormal romance or young adult readers, how would you do in writing in either genre? Have you thought of straying from Lad-Lit/Comedy?

Brett : I think your readers might hate any attempt I make at paranormal romance, but I do have an idea for a dystopian young adult book. I was totally inspired by The Hunger Games and think I have a story like that in me.  It would be a completely different tone from My Sweet Saga, and I think it would be good to try something new.

Niina : Which character in your book became your favorite?

Old Town Stockholm (yours truly)

Brett :  Probably Brandon because of his growth throughout the story.  When I first started writing it, I really didn't know what would happen to him or how he'd react to things.  I kind of see myself as immature for my age, so I'm glad I could write a character somewhat based on me that accepts at least some of the huge responsibilities of his life.

Niina : What about your lead character makes you go, "oh don't do that!"?

Brett : Haha a lot of him.  I think, at least at the beginning, Brandon's life is everything I fear mine will become.  I hope I never get pushed around to the point where I'm completely apathetic!

Niina : Were any of the characters/events based on real life characters/events?

Brett :  Pretty much all of them were inspired by people in my life.  The entire story was actually inspired by a random trip to Stockholm that was intended to distract me from a rough period of my life. On the way there, I met a girl who would become the inspiration for Saga and, though I never saw her again, I wondered what may have happened had I spent an entire day with her in Stockholm. 

Niina : Now little about how you write... What would you say is your most interesting writing quirk?

Brett : I take frequent breaks where I just toss an American football to myself.  It helps my thought process, and I do miss it when I'm writing in a public space.  Do you think people would care if I tossed a football to myself in the middle of a café?  Hmmm, maybe I should try...

Niina : Yeah, you can just say "I'm an author, it's all fine, we are eccentric." ;) Now, what is the biggest "no-no" when it comes to writing for you?

Brett : To separate myself from a first draft of a story for any time longer than a week.  If I do that, it kills my momentum and I never pick it up again. 

Niina : How do you write, chapter here and there or follow from beginning to an end?

Brett :  With this novel, I just started at the beginning and wrote it linear.  I didn't have the whole story planned out when I began, so it developed as I went along.  Though when it comes to screenwriting, I always go into the writing process with the entire story mapped out, so sometimes I'll skip around then.

Niina : What's the worst advice for writers you've received?

Brett : To not take non-constructive writing criticism personally.  There's nothing more personal than writing and the minute you don't see it as such, it becomes boring. 

Niina : And now before we say goodbye here's some Quick Fire Questions:

Cats or dogs?  Dogs!

Coffee or tea?  Nothing can replace coffee!  NOTHING

Dark chocolate or milk chocolate?  Milk.

Cake or donuts?  Cake.  Cheesecake.  You're making me hungry.

Rocks or flowers? I like flowers surrounded by rocks.

Night or day? Good question.  If I'm active, day.  If I'm relaxing, night.

Brunettes or Blonds?  I like em both

Romance or erotica? Romance.

Women: Opinionated or wallflowers? Opinionated and talkative!

Beer or Wine? I actually don't drink.

Delivered pizza or Restaurant? Restaurant. Going out to eat is probably my favorite activity.

Movies: Romantic comedy or Horror?  Romcom.

Halloween or Midsummer?  We don't celebrate Midsummer in the states!  Though I was in Sweden for this past midsummer... but still, I like Halloween.

Times New Roman or Courtier? Can I say Arial?

Crayons or markers? Hmm Crayons

Pens or pencils? Pens for sure

Books or e-books?  Still like the books.

Kids or pets?  Pets for now.  Ask me again in a few years.

Niina : Thanks for visiting the For The Love of Reading, Brett!

Brett :  Thanks for having me, Niina. This was fun!

About the Author:
Brett Sills is a multi-optioned screenwriter, freelance ad writer with his first feature film scheduled to shoot this winter in Ontario, Canada. 

He earned a degree in English from Reed College in 2001, and has been trying to use it to the best of his abilities ever since.  

My Sweet Saga is his first novel.

Visit Brett Sills at his Blog - Facebook - Admiral J Press - Goodreads